


And I miss the way you make me feel.

by theshyauthor



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Childhood, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Growing Up, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Minor Character Death, Songfic, Sunsets, castle on the hill, coming home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 12:28:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9271469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theshyauthor/pseuds/theshyauthor
Summary: Years have passed since the last time Phil has come to this town, and he wonders if he can still call it home.Inspired by 'Castle on the hill' by Ed Sheeran.





	

**Author's Note:**

> You know when you listen to a song and suddenly there's this story in your head, and you can't write fast enough to try and capture it before it's already gone again? That's kind of what happened here, but I think I was able to catch most of it. Hope you enjoy. :) x

The car moves along the streets steadily, trees and houses passing by in a blur. Some familiar tune is playing on the radio. Phil cranks it up and hums along under his breath. He’s been driving for hours now. A traffic jam has cost him an hour, and he knows that he is probably going to be late, but he isn’t further away than half an hour now from his destination. Phil’s plan has been to stop at his family’s home quickly to freshen up before continuing his drive, but now it looks like he’d have to cancel that plan to go to his meeting straight away. 

It’s been four years since Phil has been home the last time. He knows these streets like the back of his hand, and yet they look so different from what he remembers. The names of the villages he drives through are still the same, but the houses changed. 

Home. Is this still Phil’s home, when he hasn’t been here for so long? It’s the town he’s grown up in, the one he spent his childhood at. He remembers the days he and his three best friends - Dan, PJ and Chris - had climbed the hill with the old castle and played in the surrounding woods. Scraped knees and bleeding palms. Sword fights with wooden sticks, their imagination offered them a kingdom within trees. 

Phil has had his first kiss here, at Chris’ house. He and his three best friends had slept over when his parents weren’t home and snuck some liquor from their parents cabinets. Drunk as they had been, they’d played truth or dare and Phil had been dared to kiss PJ. It had been messy and felt wrong, and he’d thrown up that night and felt like shit the next morning, but he’d laughed tears and teased PJ for years after that for blushing like a tomato. His second kiss had been a girl from his class under the bleachers. It had been better than his first kiss, but not nearly as fun and still kind of felt wrong. His third kiss had been Dan. Again Phil had been drunk and so had Dan, but it had been right after midnight on New Year’s Eve, and fireworks had exploded above their heads as their lips met. The kiss had been sloppy, but for the first time it had felt right. 

When Phil and his best friends had gotten older, they stopped playing in the woods, but they still sat on top of the hill, backs resting against the sturdy wall of the castle, and watched the sun set, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and talking about life. 

Passing the city-limit sign, a feeling of nostalgia overcomes Phil. Driving past the town-square he remembered all the days he spent there with his friends. It’s been so long since he’s last seen it.   
Why has it been so long? 

He remembers the last day they had all been together as a group of best friends. Chris, PJ, Dan and him. It was the day before Dan would leave for college, the first of them to leave this town behind. They had all chosen different directions for their lives, and they knew that the next time they would be together like this, it wouldn’t be the same anymore. New friends awaited them, new adventures that they couldn’t share with the others in the same way they did before. 

Driving past Chris’ house - Phil remembers that it’s not Chris’ house anymore since his mother moved away after his father died in a car crash - fills his chest with warmth. The endless nights spent there watching movies and laughing, building blanket forts and eating popcorn and pizza until they felt sick. Chris’ house had usually been where they met, since it had been the biggest and the one most convenient for all of them to reach. It felt odd to pass by and remember the way it had looked like on the inside, but not to know if it still looks the same or who even lives in there now.

They had occasionally met up and stayed in touch, but the daily text messages slowly turned into weekly check-ins, and sometimes months would go by without Phil hearing of any of his former best friends. He made new ones. He carried on his life without them, and what once was a gaping hole in his heart slowly turned to a dull ache that was easy to forget. But sometimes there were moments when Phil would just live his life, and unintentionally his thoughts would wander to his friends, wondering how they were doing. Hoping they were happy. He never sent those text messages asking if they were doing okay. 

Phil arrives at the parking lot at the bottom of the hill. Only two other cars are parked there. The street leading up to the entrance of the castle is bituminised now. When Phil was six, he had been running up this very street and tripped over a stone, falling and breaking his arm. His older brother had laughed, his mother had been frantic and his father had dried his tears by telling him that all his friends could sign his cast and how awesome that would make him. The only people that Phil had allowed to sign his cast were Dan, PJ and Chris. Dan had drawn a heart next to his name, and when the other kids in Phil’s class had laughed about it, Phil had taken a marker and drawn a heart on Dan’s arm as well, retracing it for as long as it took to get his own cast off again.

Looking up at the sky turning darker, Phil knows that he has to hurry up if he wants to be on time. When he had been younger, Phil was able to run up the street without a problem, but now, in his mid-thirties, he finds himself out of breath when he turns right in front of the castle and wades through the grass along the walls. When he was a kid, there used to be a small path visible that he would follow. It isn’t there anymore, but Phil still knows every step. It doesn’t take long until he sees three silhouettes sitting on the grass, looking over the hill. They have changed so much over the years, but Phil would recognize his three best friends anywhere. 

“You’re late,“ Chris chides him, but Phil tells him to shut up because he’s made it here before sunset, didn’t he? PJ hands him a bottle of lemonade - years ago it would have been a can of beer - and Phil remembers that when Chris’ father died in a car accident, it had been caused because he’d been drunk driving. Chris had told them that he’d never drink a drop of alcohol again. Dan doesn’t say anything, but he smiles at Phil when the older man drops down next to him. 

The men next to them, they are strangers to him. PJ is married and working in the film industry now, and Chris is divorced with a son waiting at home for his dad to return again. Dan is single. As far as Phil knows, there’s never been anyone serious in his life. And Phil? He briefly looks down on his wedding band before looking at the horizon again, watching as the sun hides behind hills and colours the landscape and sky orange and pink. Phil has a wife waiting at home, a stable job, and a hopefully healthy daughter on the way. They are all strangers now, but at this moment, Phil remembers all the time they’ve spent together, all those moments he hadn’t thought about for so long that had made him love these three men next to him in his life so much. Right now, Phil is sitting with his three best friends watching the sunset like he’s always done. It feels just like it’s always felt before, and a feeling of warmth spreads through his chest.

When the sun is almost entirely gone, only the last few rays colouring the horizon in soft purple and the town below them lights up artificially, Phil feels Dan’s head rest on his shoulder. The wind ruffles Phil’s hair and Dan shivers next to him, so Phil wraps an arm around his best friend like he always used to, and it feels so natural. Like not a day has passed since they were fifteen and watching the sun set.

And he can hear Dan’s voice quietly, sounding deeper, so different than it used to, but still so familiar. 

“Welcome home, Phil.“


End file.
